I had a blind date. My first blind date ever. It went spectacularly well. I am excited to see where it goes, but i’m not going to hash out the nitty gritty details. He told me I was Hot. That is a first. That was just one of many highlights. I laughed and smiled so hard, so much my face still hurts. It was definitely the best first date I’ve ever been on.
We have had two more dates since then. So I guess you could say it’s going well.
I have learned not to get my hopes up too high. I have been hurt. A lot. My heart is surprisingly resilient. I keep putting myself back out there and trying again when the moment arises. I don’t know how else but to try again.
I have tried to resign myself to thinking that maybe marriage was not meant for me. Maybe children are not meant for me. I have tried to talk myself into accepting that future. My heart doesn’t believe it. I can’t convince myself that is the future awaiting me.
So I keep trying again. I lie to myself and say that I’m protecting my heart when I get involved, but that is a lie. I don’t know how to do anything without putting all of my heart into it. It’s just not how I was hardwired. I put all of myself into every relationship. It’s the only way to truly be yourself. It’s the only way to truly allow someone the opportunity to know you.
So I get hurt. A lot. But damn if my heart is not a resilient little muscle.